like,forever

i know u wont admit it but it kinda 'scratched' your pride a bit doesnt it?
my last post.
well guess what?
u tore mine so many times i'm immune to it -.-
*sighhh*
when will this cold war end?

i awoke just now with yet again a dream of you
it was so vivid i could still see you and hear our conversation in my head echoing.
i can repeat each and every line of that conversation.
i could go back and see every move in that dream
what was it about?
i guess that'll have to be for only me to know.
it was so civil,uhm,
we were so civil,mature and well,nice to each other that it hurts
it was sad though
when i was awake i could still feel what i was feeling the dream
a sense of longing, joy but an empty hole was there, sad but happy
content but still regrets, glad cause deep down you do care but scared of disappointments, a faint hope but quickly diminished due to all the pain before

yes we were being civil to each other.
but all those mixed feelling did not only came from me,
it was from you too
it was as if i could feel what u feel
i was able to know what you feel
and that it was just the same as me.
we had wanted the same thing 
but held back cause were afraid of the pain that might come again
we have had enough(of the pain) but deep inside still wanted it to work out
it was a mutual feeling that we kept to ourselves.
unspoken
afraid
there was no pride.no ego
not from you
not from me
we just didnt want to hurt one another
but at the same time cant carry on without each other.

we were stuck to being that
not able to move foward
not able to go back
we cared for each other
but the invinsible walls we put up 
clearly sets a boundry in between us


the dream ended just like that
cause something had woken me up 
cant help but to ponder it
wondering why
have you completely moved on?
are you able to be happy?
what i dreamt about you,was it true?
do you still miss everything?
does it still hurt you?
are you still the same?

4 years can feel so short
but it still is a very long time
you said it yourself recently,
'i've been with you like forever'
even you admit we had known each other for so long
it feels like forever
and i kept asking myself if i still feel all those mixed feeling i was having in the dream
the answer?
i dont know
im still asking my numb heart.