Mixed feeling. Complicated

I prayed,
if he wasn't for me,
then let this feeling subside.
then I noticed
I wasn't that into you anymore
I wondered why at first
but then I remembered my request to Him
He grant my wish.
it's not that I regret it
but I am a little bit sad.
Cause we're not as close as we once were
even though it was so brief
now I don't know how to act
I don't know how to invite you to hang out
I'm not even sure whether you wanted anything to do with me anymore
I'm scared I'd be a burden
I don't want to always be in your way
but then again
you're always the first person that came to my mind
if I wanted to go anywhere,
do anything with,
It'd be you
not because I like you, no
but because you're nice to be around
even though you're so mean to me
blerghh

S O S

I need you
Please call me

Escape

I hate it here
But
This is my only escape

I'm not okay

It's just freaking hard
And fucking tiring
To have to pretend that you're okay
When really inside you are not

No words to describe

The friend I need that never existed

Nobody here ever listens
They hear me
But never listens
I need you
I know you'd listen to what I have to say
I know you'd know something is up
Something is wrong
But when I finally get to talk to you
I guess I finally realized
You're not the solution too
You don't listen too
And I finally remembered
I'm alone in this world
Always have been.
Always will be.
I'll always have no one to turn to
No shoulder to cry on

Knife. An ol fav.

You touched my life
With a softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran
Out of love
I tell my self I'm free
Got the change of living just for me
No need to carry on
Now that you're gone

Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life

When I pretend when I smile
To fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It's just a show
I'm on a stage day or night
Through my charades
But how can I disguise
What's in my eyes
Oh oh oh oh oh ...

I try and try locking up
The pain I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you

unrequited love

bout a man and the sea,
the love and a curse.

Foolish

I cant help but be foolish.
Around those who are not even
In any of my circle of interest
Cant be another one of that rebound phase
Ive had enough of those.
But then whhhhyyy do I have to go and
Get involved with something like this.
Its a waste of time and energy and precious fragile feelings.
Get over it h.
You're better and tougher than this.

but i guess we'll never know

would you take the chance and make the change

something i should do without

remember

Why

Why can't I not need you like you don't need me

replaced by gushing tears.

been laughing while reading all the old conversations in yahoo messanger
but then the date 24 Jun 2011 came up
and the simple words of
 'i miss you so much'
in the very first sentence that you wrote
tore my heart.

as this wounded heart and soul
quickly registered those 5 words,
it felt the very sentence you wrote.

this heart misses
it's long lost pieces.

any remains of my laughter,
now replaced by gushing tears.

addicted

cant stop listening.

You've read the books,

You've watched the shows,

What's the best way no one knows, yeah,

Meditate, get hypnotized.

Anything to take from your mind.

But it won't go, ohhhh ohhh

You're doing all these things out of desperation,

Ohhh ohhh,

You're going through six degrees of separation.

You hit the drink, you take a toke

Watch the past go up in smoke, yeah

Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,

You're better now than ever, and your life's okay

When it's not. No.

You're doing all these things out of desperation,

Ohhh ohhh,

You're going through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart

What's gonna kill you is the second part

And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle

And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

Fifth, you see them out with someone else

And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little

(Oh no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)

(No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)

You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,

Anyone who'll throw an arm around you, yeah

Tarot cards

Gems and stones,

Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.

Well it's not, no, wohhhh

You're only doing things out of desperation,

Ohhh no,

You're goin' through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart

What's gonna kill you is the second part

And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle

And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

Fifth, you see them out with someone else

And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little

No there's no starting over,

Without finding closure, you'd take them back,

No hesitation,

That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation

Oh, no there's no starting over,

Without finding closure, you'd take them back,

No hesitation,

That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation

First, you think the worst is a broken heart

What's gonna kill you is the second part

And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle

And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

Fifth, you see them out with someone else

And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little

No, no, there ain't no help

It's every man for himself

You're goin' through six degrees of separation

No, no, there ain't no help

It's every man for himself

You're goin' through six degrees of separation

No, no, there ain't no help

It's every man for himself

something to ponder,.. or is it? #hopeless laugh

someone in that line of work posted this.
i wonder if this implies to everyone in that line of work?
#sigh


Apabila seorang pelaut jatuh cinta,
Maknanya pasangan pelaut itu mesti seorang yang
luar biasa.
Apabila seorang pelaut itu memilih pasangan,
Maknanya pasangan pelaut itu seorang yang tabah
dan setia,
Apabila seorang pelaut itu ingin berkahwin,
Maknanya pasangan pelaut itu tahu apa yang
bakal dihadapinya.
Ini kerana,
Apabila pelaut itu sudah belayar,
Pasangannya akan di tinggalkan di daratan.
Menjalani kehidupan tanpa suami atau isteri.
Membesarkan anak seorang diri.
Memikul tanggungjawab seorang diri.
Oleh itu,
jika pasangan anda seorang pelaut,
Dirinya mngambil keputusan untuk berpisah dengan
anda,
Itu tandanya,
Dia menyayangi diri anda lebih dari pengetahuan
anda.
Dia tidak mahu anda bersedih menunggu
kepulangannya.
Dia tidak mahu anda menjalani kehidupan
tanpanya.
Dia tidak mahu anda membesarkan anak seorang
diri.
Dia tidak mahu anda menyelesaikan masalah tanpa
dirinya.
Jika anda sanggup menjadi pasangan pelaut,
Maknanya,cinta anda begitu tinggi nilainya...

#copy paste.

Let me

Let me save you.
I know I can.
I know im the only one who can.
Atlease for now
Just tell me how.
Just tell me what to do.
Cause I cant save you.
If you won't show me.

Blabbering. Scribbling

Continue writing by mobile. =_=
Since I still cant go to sleep yet.
Thank god for technology!
Now I can write in any manner of position I want. Lolz.

Its 4am n I didn't even noticed.
I really need to reset my biological clock.
Its going cuckoo!
Fortunately no classes tomorrow morning.
But then I have to go and finish my labworks :(

I hate all this!
I wish I could fast foward into the future.
Atleast next month for example.
I want to skip all these load of piling works!
N go vacationing!
=_= dreaming much?

But I really do wish I can.
I want to escape to anywhere.. it doesnt matter.
I just need to get away!
Just for a little while is enough.
*sad*

just dont, dont run

dont run
baby dont run

is it asking too much

we've grown up together
i hope i can be there to see you off
i hope i can be there to witness your happy moments
i hope i can be there through the worst of times
i hope i can see u walk the aisle towards your soulmate
i hope i can call your kids my own nieces and nephew
i hope i can be of help in the littlest thing
but most of all
i just hope you would be able to find it in your heart
to seek me with anything you face.
anything at all
be it awful
be it joy
i just hope i can atleast be the friend you could count on
whenever you needed someone
the friend that i never was

atleast.
i want to continue watch you become
the old cranky grandpa that you are

hey stranger.


i missed you

old conversations

its been ages since i last open my emails and all.
what suddenly came out was our old conversations *chuckle*
it was on my birthday.but it didnt show the year.
n i didnt feel the need to check,so i didnt.
i just read them.
it seemed (from our conversation) that we were on webcams.
we chatted bout how you were jealous of the korean actors i come to love back then.
and how i tease your manboobs and you were so determined to change them to muscles
*chuckle*
you swore that you would be like dwayne by the end of your 3-year sailing period
and that you said,on our marriage night i would be hugging those tight muscled chest of yours
*laugh* cute. it was cute.
those times were. :')

it was funny. and a bit frustrating.
cause i realize,besides those out-of-the-blue sweet moments,
whenever we were on webcam/+chats,
we always argue and bickering bout the tiniest,silly-est,stupidest of things.
lol.i guess that was to be expected from two immature kids -.-

i miss you.thats a fact.
i still cant get used to the fact that you are not appearing in my dreams anymore
and its kinda weird to be dreaming of someone else now.lols
thinking back, all those old conversation,
if you could,would you take them for granted?
if you were given a choice
would you look back on them and want to re-live the happy ones.
the happy part of the past?

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story

Just a person.just one person.

I realized that im just a really lonely person.
I wish I could disappear from here.
I wanna go someplace where nobody knows me.
Atleast whenever im lonely, I wouldn't feel as bad.cause I know im someplace new n u're always lonely at a new place.
I wish I could start over.
I wish I could reset my life.
I wish I could be someone else .
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I dont have to resent myself so much.
I wish I could escape from everything.
I just wished my life turned out differently.
I atleast wish I have someone that knows me so well that they know me better than I know myself.
Its just so hard being lonely.
Its just so painful having no one to share your feelings with.
I dont need a relationship.
I just need a friend.

Who are you

Who are you?
Damn I regret not taking you seriously.
If only I looked at u when u were talking to me just now.if only I talked to you earnestly.
I wouldnt have to live with this regret.
U were perfect.
All tht I could've wished for.
Why was I so stupid!
Hope fate would lead me to you again.
Like it did today.
Goodbye mr.perfect.
Hope to see you again.

Amusing

I found it amusing really.that my friends whom he used to loath, are the ones he would contact n would want to find to hang out. Heh.
*smirk*

bye bye baby

i'd take a step back

its 2am n im cursing your name

Taylor Swift - State of Grace (Lyrics)

Taylor Swift - Come Back...Be Here Lyrics

although doesnt quite fits i guess.lol

John Mayer - Half Of My Heart

old rock song

lol..
suddenly came across this old rock song
hewhew

Journey - Separate Ways

is the offer still stands?

i have a good news
that is if you still wish it
if you are still up for it
i've just fully realize it and understand
sorry i took a long time
n if you dont feel like it anymore than thats okay
u know my number.
take care sailor

who's in there? :')

i wish
i could ask you
what i've always asked you
even though i already know the answer.
'who's in there?'
whilst pointing at your chest,
i would ask with a smile,
n you would look puzzled for a moment
but immediately smile as you realize what i just asked
looking back to me,
you'd smile that annoyed but genuine smile.
and knowing what your answer is
would've made me smiling the whole day.

but no
i guess i couldn't now
n even if i did ask
i wouldn't know the answer
n it wouldn't make me smile
like i used to
cause i'd be torn from believing it
or being deceived by it..

exhausted

i wish
just for a little while
i could hear your thoughts
aware of what you are thinking
understand things that i never get the chance to understand
so i'll be able to set the boundaries
n never get the false signals anymore

its just so tiring
to decide what to do
which is right or wrong
hold on or move on
true,i am me now
not haunted by your shadow anymore
but the thing with no closure
is that it will tire u restlessly
n wont let u stop thinking.
n yes,unfortunately
i'm exhausted by it.

right? :)

well isnt this the perfect song for you to give

let me hold you

for the last time

its last chance to feel again

but you broke me

now i cant feel anything

when i love you

its so untrue

i cant even convince myself

when im speaking

its the voice of someone else

oh it tears me up

i try to hold on 

but it hurts too much

i try to forgive

but its not enough

to make it all okay

you cant play on broken strings

you cant feel anything

that your heart don't want to feel

i cant tell you

something that ain't real

oh the truth hurts

and lies worst

how can i give anymore

when i love you a little less than before

oh what are we doing

we are turning into dust

playing house in the ruins of us

running back through the fire

when there's nothing left to save

its like chasing the very last train

when its too late

oh it tears me up
i try to hold on
but it hurts too much
i try to forgive
but its not enough
to make it all okay
you cant play on broken strings
you cant feel anything
that your heart don't want to feel
i cant tell you
something that ain't real

oh the truth hurts
and lies worst
how can i give anymore
when i love you a little less than before
but we're running through the fire

when there's nothing left to save
its like chasing the very last train
when we both know that its too late

you cant play on broken strings
you cant feel anything
that your heart don't want to feel
i cant tell you
something that ain't real

well the truth hurts
and lies worst
so how can i give anymore
when i love you a little less than before
you know that i love you a little less
than before

let me hold you
for the last time
its last chance to feel again